The adjustments no one notices
I learned
to walk closer to walls,
to time my walk,
to alter my path.
Looking busy.
Avoiding eye contact.
Staying
out of reach.
Small adjustments.
Slowly,
Shaping the days.
Wanting to;
but didn't
From leaving early,
to not going at all.
Wanting to.
but didn’t.
Longing for connection,
but avoiding contact.
Not joining in.
Remaining silent.
Staying away.
Absence.
The heavy cost it carries.
Opportunities missed.
Friendships lost.
Possibilities deferred.
And the deepest of all
refraining from participating
in your own life
— years half-lived.
The cost of not participating in
your own life
The habit remains.
The effort ongoing.
But then,
sometimes,
only sometimes…
You stay.
Emerging,
ever so slightly,
into becoming visible.